Chick Lit - Alexandra Potter - Calling Romeo (2002)

This is another title I borrowed from my friend Nadia, two of four. I don't exactly recall why she wanted to lend this one to me, but I'm sure it wasn't to write this scathing review of it.

But scathing it shall be, because it is vile.

First off, note that the genre up there is chick lit, which I will let Wikipedia define here. If that page doesn't give you pause in regarding the novel, allow me to compound it: this book is chick lit for realz. There are more designer names dropped than an outlet mall, and the whole idea list for this book is like a Sex and the City fanfiction checklist. Unmarried, independent women in enviable, high-powered, and creative careers with men issues? Check. Male characters who talk about their feelings and relationships as if they actually give a fuck? Check. Heavy descriptions of clothes and other fancy luxury items, but almost nothing else? Double check. Trying to have it all? Checkity check check. Using too many references to Romeo and Juliet in order to justify the title, including rival advertising companies respectively containing the names Capulet and Montague? Oh yeah.

Mary Sue main character? I think the ink is bleeding through on this checkmark.

I wasn't kidding earlier when I said that it felt like fanfiction. I personally cannot believe anyone actually published this drivel, let alone the fact that this author has eight more novels. The main character, Juliet, is early on established as a victim of shitty-boyfriend-disease (because only the shittiest of boyfriends forget Valentine's Day, right girls? >:( ) and has her high-priced clothes ruined by a fancy car running through a puddle near her. As it goes on, she starts an affair with the guy who soaked her because she felt neglected by her boyfriend and yet didn't say anything to him about how she felt. Like he's supposed to be a mind reader.

There are a couple other storylines here too, but I have to get spoilery in order to talk about the biggest crime of this novel. This is your last warning.

Six chapters (and chapters in this novel are surprisingly long if they are past the average of a page and a half) before the end of the book, her boyfriend, who had decided to stop taking her for granted and proposed, discovers she had been having an affair. Up until this point, it looked like not only was she able to have her cake but also fuck it too, and she was going to get away with it. I was overjoyed to learn that he immediately left her, made her move out of their shared domicile, and didn't want to see her again. Finally, she was getting her comeuppance for this indiscretion.

And then, in the last chapter, on the last page even, he takes her back and they all live happily ever after.

FUCK. YOU.

And the typos! Holy shit. There were so many, including "tirarmsu" for tiramisu. Did an editor even run through this at all? I cannot understand what happened. Somebody failed here. And I can't help but place at least 70% of the blame on the author. You did a bad job. I don't give a shit how popular you are or how many reviews say that your work is hilarious and brilliant. This was garbage.

I can't believe I bought this for my friend's birthday. I am so sorry for that, Nadia.

1.0/10

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